I’VE SOLVED GUANTANAMO!

By Joanne Forman

I’ve solved the problem of what to do with Guantanamo, the famous and infamous detention/prison camp in Cuba.

MAKE IT INTO A SHOW!!

I should explain that I do not do TV (and, as of this writing, I haven’t died). So when I crawl in after a day over the piano, I either read or watch DVDs, from my own collection, or from the library.

The other night, I finished watching “The Way West,” a long , elegaic documentary about the “winning” of the West, which was done, of course, by killing off via war and disease the native population, still known as “Indians.” (Columbus was lost.)

Having done himself out of a job by helping killing off the buffalo, Medal of Honor winner William Frederick Cody established the most popular entertainment of the age: his Wild West show, which entranced America and Europe for many years.

Mostly Lakota Indians were part of the show, including the killer of Custer, Sitting Bull—though the great Native American was featured for only one year. Wikipedia relates approvingly that the Indians saw it as a way of retaining the poor remnants of their culture—after the infamous Battle of Wounded Knee in 1890, the onslaught of “assimilation” began with a vengeance. Some of Bill’s troupe were let out of prison specifically on terms that they joined the show.

Too, I just acquired a DVD of classic musicals, including Irving Berlin’s 1946 hit, “Annie Get Your Gun,” about the great sharpshooter Annie Oakley. And it all came together in my fevered brain: THE ANSWER TO GUANTANAMO: make it into a show!!

Think of it! Scores and scores of men in those wonderful flowing robes. Exotic veiled women. The great hunt for Bin Laden and “insurgents” in the faraway mountains of Tora Bora. Stalwart heroes in uniform of glorious always-righteous America! Waterboarding! Interrogation! Maybe even a thrilling conclusion with a snuff! (Though this would use up a lot of actors.)

It would rehabilitate the inhabitants of Guantanamo, give them jobs, teach them the American Way. America would love it! Think of it: in addition to the live touring show, there could of course be the movie, the TV series and endless merchandise tie-ins.

Of course the rest of the world might not have the same take, but what do they know?

See? I’ve solved the problem!

(And yes, just in case you don’t get it, this is satire.)

c copyright 2013 by Joanne Forman. All rights reserved.