Taos Breaks Wind
Chubby Girl Alert!
Apparently, the Taos P.D. compensates for size and strength by using the “taser†as an aid in getting “Chubby Girls†to obey police directives. Recent news reports say local officers fired electric charges into a 5’6†drunken foul-mouthed female who was handcuffed and lying down. The reported 190 lb behemoth couldn’t be raised due to her “tremendous weight,†say reports. Officers eventually stimulated her responses with three or four electrical blasts to the body.
According to Flavio, who sweeps up at P.D. H.Q., Taos P.D. Chief Anglada has decided to order the troops into “strength and conditioning exercises†at the gym. “To avoid using undue force, the Chief may consider hiring bigger officers,†says Flavio. Insiders say Chief Anglada is setting a new standard for sartorial elegance among officers—wearing Miami style shirts over his ripped physique, while displaying an impressive sidearm in shoulder holster for all and sundry to see at public meetings. (Is a movie deal in the offing?)
Until the Chief can oversee the rehab of bodies weakened by donuts and motorized patrols, it’s “Get thee up and outta my face, Chubby Girl—or I’ll zap you!â€
New Sheriff at Taos Pueblo
Lt. Breakin’ Wind, a 21st Century representative of Puritanism at Taos Pueblo and his Cohort at Tribal Court, Judge Toodle-Do, have cleverly circumvented the principle of due process. . By substituting civil commitment for criminal procedures, according to defense attorneys, various and sundry miscreants are sentenced to community service or residential rehab. Then, if the accused fails to comply, he or she can then be jailed without going through the torturous criminal procedure.
Recently, tribal cops busted in and arrested a woman on orders from Breakin’ Wind, due to allegations of non-compliance with an out-of-town residential treatment program. It turned out she had completed the program. But she sat in tribal lock-up for two days while attorneys cleared up the “rumor of wrongdoing.†According to reports, however, she was not tased.
Breakin Wind, a jewelry shop vendor, according to Flavio, is taking a tough love approach to fellow tribal members in his creative approach to law enforcement. “You screw up, you go away to rehab: I’ll be the judge.†Meanwhile, a group of Taos Pueblo activists say they are opening a new justice shop on the yonder side of the cattle guard for Taos Indians and other victims of law enforcement, who can’t afford attorneys. Call it the Center for Creative Justice Solutions (CCJS). According to Flavio, the unnamed members of CCJS will send out press releases, release police reports (if there are any) and expose Breakin Wind to public ridicule.
Super Salutes TMS Board
While on vacation (already?) from the confines of CRAB Hall, Super Rod Weston left the Director of Instruction, onetime Interim Super Rose Martinez, in charge of TMS. Martinez, who is responsible for local student performance (failure) on AYP exams for the last several years, is the nominal leader of the Fat Cat Gang, who filed lawsuits against the current board. Weston’s decision to put Rose in charge sends a signal to the board: Call it the middle finger salute.
Regardless of parental complaints, unfair employee terminations, or incompetent paper workers at the finance department, this board is impotent to institute reforms. According to Flavio, the chief administrator failed to renew a coach’s contract because he allowed (or encouraged?) prayer during half time at ball games. Adios, mis amigos. Hello charter schools.
Free Enterprise
We’re getting mixed signals from town and county government here in Taos—due to the “Cuate†rule. If you’re a friend of the mayor or the county commission, according to Flavio, you can operate a dirt and gravel pit inside the city limits or erect an outlaw garage in the middle of a high-end neighborhood. Residential real estate prices may drop but that’s the price of enforcing the cuate rule.
You can expand your weird multicultural monkey god church complex but not if it’s in the same neighborhood as a town counselor’s parents—though it’s just down the street from Autumnal Acres. If you’re an enviro, Buddhist, and believer in sustainability, you can run roughshod over green space and develop casitas for the autumnal years on Valverde St. And you can show your street cred by supporting the mission of Amigos Bravos—even as you block one or more acequias—which re-charge the Holy Rio.
The town outlaws vendors in a former state park while the county supports outlaw vendors near the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge state park. Taos is a nice place to visit the sacred places but you wouldn’t want to live here or buy property. The history of Taos, then and now, is also the history of violence and unending political intrigue. It doesn’t make life dull, it just makes you broke.