Breaking News: Monday, 4:45 pm, Aug. 19, 2013
Flash Leak!
(Satire)
A memo, uncovered by reporters at the National Daily News, says the president has signed a secret order, called “Security First 2015.” Security First is a euphemism for the WRIT (Watch, Read, Intel, Totality) program, recently reported on by Edward Snowden at the Guardian Newspaper. WRIT requires all Americans to hook up to the Internet or to smart phones or the equivalent by 2015.
If the consumer refuses or can’t pay up front for electronic services (phone, Internet, TV system access), then the government will install the service and ask the Internal Revenue Service to debit private accounts or file a lien against wages for the 24/7 surveillance. The signing order also includes mandates for inserting microchips in all electronic units manufactured and/or sold in America. Cell phones, television sets, DVD players, computers, radios, microwaves, mix-masters, blenders, credit card machines, ATMs, fuel pumps, auto electric systems, etc. will all come with tiny transmitters linked to national WRIT-GPS devices and systems.
Reporters quote the president as saying, “We live in a dangerous world and can no longer trust the cop on the beat or neighborhood watch volunteers to keep our communities safe.” Provisions in WRIT call for funding more jobs and education in the tech sector to get the program up and running. The Obama Administration will seek funds from Congress for technical courses at community colleges, whether aimed at tech jobs or education for the technologically challenged.“This is literacy for the 21st Century,” said the President. “We’re in a race with our Asian neighbors for supremacy.”
While the ACLU has typically questioned government infringements on civil liberties and expects to file a lawsuit, the high tech sector calls the mandate “a boon for the 21st Century.” Tech stocks opened at record highs this morning on Wall Street while Tokyo’s Nikkei index quadrupled. Tech companies located in China were said to be retooling for the boom in manufacturing. Rents in Silicon Valley and San Francisco are expected to double and triple as young geeks flood the Gold Coast of Tech Nation.
In Taos CEO Luis Reyes of KCEC, whose Broadband project is part of the Obama push for total awareness communication, said, “Kit Carson is ready to do its share in the national interest.”
Longtime KCEC critic, Jerome Lucero, who has questioned the Coop’s financial commitment to Broadband said, “I don’t want Obama or Reyes reading my email or listening to my phone calls.”
“There are always a few CAVE men around (Citizens against Virtually Everything). But we see opportunity where others see dark clouds,” said Reyes. “Sanchez and Northrup are probably against it, too.” He winked. “You can’t say handmade signs placed on step tools meet the standards of tech communication. But, hey, a lot of Coop customers still use firewood for heat. By the way, I’ve read Jerome’s mail but it’s not that interesting.”